Mardi Gras Miracle

Happy Fat Tuesday!

I can’t believe it - I have experienced a miracle.

Once a week or so, I try the old blog, hoping against hope that I will be allowed access.

The impossible happened (clouds part, sunbeams burst through, angelic music rings out)

I GOT IN!

I have no idea how or why - LOL

I haven’t done anything except put up a notice, redirecting viewers to this blog, in case there was anyone left on the planet that I hadn’t harassed horribly about it - LOL

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I also dug through the old backup CD’s of dead hard drives (see why you should back up? LOL) and found this picture of a Mardi Gras celebrant, which is hilarious but strictly for adults only.

So...if you dare....

Mardi Gras Man

The Day the Blogger Died

So bye, bye, Miss American Pie, drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry....



I’m feeling pensive, and the contemplative nature of that song seems to fit.

I took this photo, of the crescent moon high above the treetops, as the sun was just rising, casting a rosy glow across the skyscape, on January 24, the day my original blog died. It sat in the camera until Valentine’s day, when I snapped a few pictures of Daughter’s first rose from a boy. I unloaded it to the computer along with the flower photos, but was still in mourning/denial, and couldn’t bear to look at it until now.

I am reconciled to the death of the original blog, Digital Doorway now that another moon has passed, and decided it was time to renew myself as well.

I apologize for not posting much, or visiting my regulars readers of late, as I have been in the throes of writing, editing and forcing myself to learn new technologies so I may join the hallowed ranks of "published authors". It is frustrating, time consuming and humbling.

I hear the clarion call of, "Come to the dark side". No, I’m not turning evil LOL I am debating book covers. Which do you like better...dark background with light text, or light background with dark text?

I’ve faced so many style questions I am going batty. I had no headers, only page numbers at first, then spent hours learning how to insert a header in Word. My "header" needs an aspirin LOL

Do you, as a reader, prefer a chapter title that is centered or left justified? Do you think the chapter title should start halfway down the page, followed by a small amount of spaces (say two lines) then the text begins? Or chapter title higher (like a quarter of the way down the page), greater amount of space before text begins at say, center of page? Or chapter title top, lots of space, then text begins halfway down the page? I’ve tried all three and am damn near blind form staring at them in comparison - LOL

Do you wish I'd just tell jokes and knock it off with all this boring, self-indulgent nonsense?

I apologize (yet again - I am a serial apologist I fear LOL) for the lack of humor in this post. All this techno-nonsense has wrung all the funny out of me.

I hope all of you are doing well, and I send love and good wishes your way!

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Because I am in Microsoft Word Hell, trying to format a document as a book, I give you a couple of funny pictures a friend sent me.

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Sunday Sampler

I would like to thank Leigh over at The Spinning Pen for notifying me about the newest contest from the creators of NaNoWriMo (the contest to write an entire novel in one month).

They have a new one, to EDIT your novel in one month.

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It is the 100th Anniversary of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes - they have a nice website with a timeline and a “Share your memories” section.

I admit, I ate Kellogg’s cereals every morning throughout my entire childhood. . .hmmm, wonder if that has anything to do with my strange personality today? LOL

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Yet another friend has gotten the shaft from Blogger - Mac, over at Posthuman Blues is having issues. . .posting only to have it vanish into the ether shortly thereafter.

I’m seriously considering getting “enterthelaughter” as a domain and using Wordpress, since Yahoo webhosting has a super-easy installation now (I tested it with digitaldoorway, but I don’t want such a long URL if I move the blog again)

?

Would I be smarter to stay here, since I just went through the hassle of notifying everyone of THIS new address, or go ahead and move to a more stable platform at my own domain?

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Also have a cute joke for you - Happy Sunday to everyone!

100 Year Old Twins

There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local paper told a photographer to get over there and take some pictures of these 100-year-old twins.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"He said, 'WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA'! " said the other.

"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.

Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE."

So they wiggled up close to each other.

"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.

Yet again - "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"

With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD! BOTH OF US?"

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NaNoWriMo
NaNoEdMo
Love Marti

And the Winner is...

Thanks to all of you who submitted a joke or voted for your favorite in the Best Valentine Day Joke contest.

We have a winner! Hoss at Old Horsetail Snake was our winning jokester!
He will receive a one pound box of Russell Stover chocolates

for his
winning entry [#6]!


I will go over and notify him, and get his mailing address (hope he trusts me with it - LOL)

Again, I deeply appreciate all of you that visited, told a joke, or voted. It was a lot of fun!

Love Horsestail Snake
Love Marti
Love Monkey

Love Monkey

(pssst - there is an update at the bottom of this post)

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I like quirky TV - LOL

I dislike morons in TV programming who heavily advertise a program, show it three times and cancel it.

CBS had a program called "Love Monkey" which starred Tom Cavanagh (formerly of "Ed" which was also a great show).

The show was hip and funny, had fabulous music and clever dialogue. No car chases, no blood and guts. I should have known it was doomed - LOL

The description from CBS:
ABOUT THE SHOW

LOVE MONKEY, based on the best-selling book by Kyle Smith, revolves around Tom Farrell (Tom Cavanagh), a 30-something up and coming single record executive who is navigating the tumultuous and highly amusing waters of work and dating in New York City.

Tom's got it all until he gets fired from his job and is dumped by his girlfriend, all in the same day. Fortunately, Tom's friends help him keep his life in full swing: Mike (Jason Priestley), his buddy who happens to be married to Tom’s pregnant sister, Karen (Katherine LaNasa); Shooter (Larenz Tate), his street-wise friend with money; Jake (Christopher Wiehl), a handsome former baseball player turned sportscaster; and Bran (Judy Greer), his platonic girlfriend who always tells it to him straight. With their help and support, Tom finds a new record company to call home and a new woman, Julia Hixon (Ivana Milicevic), to fixate on.

Some said it was like “Sex and the City” with guys - LOL

I adored this show! I can't understand why they would promote it so heavily, and then dump it.

Teddy Geiger (who plays Wayne, a young singer/songwriter) has his music (which is fabulous! If I can figure out how to put it on here for you to listen to, I will) on popular radio now, I would think that would be a huge boost for the show.

Edit - 9:30 PM OK, I think I figured out how to let you hear the song LOL.
I uploaded it to my webhosting account, and have linked to it from here.

Play Teddy Geiger’s song Confidence on Windows Media Player

If it works, let me know - LOL

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I found an online petition for “Save Love Monkey.” Don’t know if it will do any good, but I signed it.

I’m also sending a mean, mean e-mail to CBS (Yeah, that’ll show ‘em...snicker)

Hope everyone had a good Valentine's day!

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THURSDAY MORNING UPDATE: Freezing drizzle falling here. I am feeling a teensy bit ornery this icy morning. LOL

IgnoreMarti is not picking up any of my recent links or tags, so I am going the Robert Scoble / Blog Herald suggestion route and tagging myself with a somewhat silly label of:
Love Marti

Please feel free to copy the code and use it excessively - (laughing so hard my sides hurt here).

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Love Monkey
Love Blog Herald

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Hearts and kisses to everyone today!

My lovely 16 year-old daughter got her first Valentine flower from a boy! The local florist showed up yesterday with this:

(A moment for a group “awwww”...LOL)

My computer has been acting up, and husband was off yesterday, so he took it apart and checked the connections. (Thanks sweetie!) We live in an old house with funky wiring, so there’s a jumble of extension cords and power strips to get electricity to everything. We are far enough out in the country that we can't get cable or DSL, so we are stuck with dial-up, and the phone line connection is ancient and fragile as well. So basically, my internet connection is a miracle - LOL

I will try to get by and visit more of you, since I have been unable to stop in and say hello lately.

I truly appreciate everyone who pays me a social call, and enjoy reading about your lives and interests.

The Best Valentine Joke Contest is still open, so feel free to send me your humorous entries and or vote for your favorite. You can see all of the entries here.

I will do the tally on Thursday, and announce the winner Friday. A free box of Russell Stover’s chocolates goes to the person who submits the joke that gets the most votes!

I send all of you best wishes for a glorious day. May you find someone to share love, life and laughter with.
Valentine’s Day
jokes
contest
free
candy
love
laughter

I’d Call this a Memoir...But Oprah might smite me

I want to test Lulu Publishing before taking my not-quite-finished novel there, so I thought I could compile some of my humorous articles and essays into a small book.

I originally started with 12. This makes for a very slender book unless I make the margins two and a half inches wide on a 6” X 9” book LOL

So I’m still digging through my computer archives for more material.

I was playing around with photos and artwork for a cover, since I can’t get my blasted modem to stay connected to the internet for more than 30 seconds at a time (sorry to all of you I usually visit and leave comments for).

With the big brouhaha that has been generated by the disclosure of falsities (which are not tiny shiny paste-on nipple covers LOL) in James Frey’s book “A Million Little Pieces,” I made up this pretend cover for my upcoming anthology (since the first article is about my broken leg).

LOL

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Please read the entries for best Valentine joke below, and vote. I am simply adding new ones:

Entry # 7) from Stringman at Stringman


Entry # 8) from Stephanie at Mystical Incense

to the most recent post, because I am tired of seeing every other headline here about it, so I am sure you are too - LOL

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Fighting a killer sinus headache, which is centered just above left eyebrow, causing left eye to spasm shut on occasion. Made the elderly man at the grocery checkout think I was winking at him. LOL
Stressed out about the boy/man’s theft of phone. Starting to wonder why I thought I could write a book, or even compile a book. Frightened of the strange growling noises coming from the computer.

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I used to sell cemetery lots.

Honest.

I took a bunch of pictures of the cool stones there. I actually liked it, it was an awesome graveyard.

Found this other picture I’d done as a possible book cover to amuse myself, thought it might give y'all a chuckle.

May peace and joy be with each of you.

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Self-Publishing
Humor
James Frey
Oprah
A Million Little Pieces

A Cold Day in Cell Hell

Welcome to Hell. I’m your hostess, Marti. Would you like smoking or burning? LOL

Gawd almighty, give me strength to deal with kids and corporations.

Every month since we have had our cell phones, the bill has been wrong. EVERY month.

Granted, we’ve thrown them a few curves, changing plans, adding phones, and adding minutes. They are supposed to be equipped to handle this sort of thing.

I am not asking them to invent the five-cent matter transfer machine. LOL

Middle Son went out last evening. He was ill earlier in the week with a stomach virus, which he lovingly shared with everyone.

Daughter was home sick yesterday and we were both v-e-r-y glad this house has two bathrooms.

But the boy, he was all better. And ready to par-tay. So off he went, dancing into the night.

He returned while we were watching "Lost," which loyal viewers know is a program that requires a certain amount of attention to follow.

He looked sad. Sad and upset.

I said, "What’s wrong?"

He said, "Something bad happened."

I said, (with great trepidation) "What?"

He glances at TV, searching for an excuse to stall, and said, "I’ll tell you when your show is over."

So now I am thinking, "Oh God, what is so terrible that it is making him be considerate?" LOL

I say, "I can tape the show, (as I hit the record button) tell us what is going on."

His father says, "What’s going on?"

Son says, "Somebody stole my cell phone."

We say, "How did that happen?"

He says, "I went to play Dance, Dance Revolution and I left my phone in the car, ‘cause it bounces out of my pocket when I dance."

"Did you lock the car?"

"I thought I did." (That means "no" in Boy/Man Speak.)

He continues, saying that the security guard had seen a suspicious character in the parking lot, in the vicinity of my car, who ran away when he approached. Suspicious person was carrying something in each hand.

The plot thickens.


"So what else was stolen?"

"I dunno. The radio is still there, and my CD’s are still under the old paper, like you told me."

(Note...Son used to keep stack of CD’s in cubbyhole in console. I suggested he toss an old Thrifty Nickel newspaper over them so they were less obvious. Score one for Mom.)

Son claims he doesn’t know what the other stolen item was. We tell him to call cell phone company, report theft, and turn off service.

He does.

So this morning it is freezing. I’d become accustomed to our unseasonably warm weather, and going out when it is 14 degrees, and I'm coming down off of a Pepto-Bismol buzz, was miserable. LOL

The car was covered with thick frost. Then I found out what the second thing was.

The ice scraper.

A puny little 99-cent ice scraper.

Why would a (many foul and obscene words) thief steal it? I don’t know.

So I was reduced to scraping it off with my fingernails, as I could locate no suitable implement that wouldn’t scratch the glass, yet would remove the thick coating.

I’m still waiting for my hands to get warm, but hoping that since hell HAS frozen over...that when the boy gets his replacement phone in the mail, and we have to re-start his service, perhaps this glitch will somehow magically correct all of the billing errors the cell phone company makes, and all will be well with the world.

Hey, a girl can dream.

(I have to, it’s what keeps me out of the rubber room - LOL)

ONE Week to Valentine’s Day - Win Free Candy!

WIN FREE CANDY!

Send in your best Valentine joke, and I will compile them for a contest, and ask readers to vote for their favorite.
You can post your jokes in the comments section, or e-mail them to me here:
Valentine’s Day is Tuesday February 14, so I will announce the winner on Friday, February 17.
I will send the winner a free box of Russell Stover Chocolates!

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Pullin’ into the home stretch here - LOL!
Entries still open for Best Valentine Joke! Our entries so far have been pretty diverse, and some are a bit risqué, so if you are exceptionally sensitive to adult material, please stop reading now.

Three, two, one..

You’ve been warned. LOL

Vote at any time in the comments section, by number. Thanks!

(Drumroll please)

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Entry # 1) from Uisce at Whiskey Talking

It's Valentine's Day and a guy walks into a bar.

He's got a bouquet of roses in one hand and a box of candy in the other.

Bartender says, "I'm guessin' those ain't for me."

The guy says, "I'm meeting my wife here."

Bartender says, "what does she look like?"

The guy says, "I don't know. You're the first person I've met, and no offense, but you're not my type."

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Entry # 2) from my friend Kel, who has no blog.

Q: Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed "guess who"?

A: A divorce lawyer.

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Entry # 3) from M Jarred Shelton at mjarredshelton
Couples celebrates Valentine's day, what do single people celebrate?
Palm Sunday!

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Entry # 4) from Percy at More Dark Lanes

An Honest Man’s Poetry
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m ready for sex
How about you?

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Entry # 5) from Hale McKay at It Occurred to Me
Two women, one from Boston and the other from Texas, were discussing the passion of the men in their lives, especially on Valentine’s Day.

Said the Bostonian woman, "On Valentines Day, my man just walks up and sticks it in."She raised her nose in defiance that the other woman could not top her love life.

The Texan woman, not to be outdone, answered with, "Oh, darling. That’s nothing. On Valentines Day, my man sticks it in and then walks up!"

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Entry # 6) from Hoss at Old Horsetail Snake
A man asks his friend, "What did you get your wife for Valentine's Day?"

Friend: "A pair of slippers and a dildo?"

The Man: "Why the dildo?"

Friend: "So if she doesn't like the slippers she can go screw herself."

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Entry # 7) from Stringman at Stringman

Mafia Valentine
Roses are red, violets are blue
Somebody squealed, but we didn’t know who
We wired the joint, put bugs in the dishes
It was your husband, he sleeps with the fishes
Be my Valentine

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Entry # 8) from Stephanie at Mystical Incense (which is fabulous btw - I bought some for my son and the fragrance is wonderful LOL)
Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.

"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

David's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," David says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden," his father asks in shock.

"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride."David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him."

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Please send in your entries!

Vote at any time, in the comments section!

Thanks!

Valentine’s Day, jokes, contest, free, candy

Win Free Candy! Valentine Joke Contest

WIN FREE CANDY!
Send in your best Valentine joke, and I will compile them into a post each Friday for a contest, and ask readers to vote for their favorite.

You can post your jokes in the comments section, or e-mail them to me here:

Valentine’s Day is Tuesday February 14, so I will announce the winner on Friday, February 17.
I will send the winner a free box of Russell Stover Chocolates!

Here’s one to get you started:

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap.

After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".

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Please send in your entries! Thanks!

Valentine’s Day, jokes, contest, free, candy

Happy Groundhog Day!

I'm sending him to the Blogger Support Offices - LOL!

ONE LINERS

• Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this B.S. before.
  
  
• I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
  
  
• I went to a seafood disco rave last week.... and pulled a mussel.
  
  
• A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
  
  
• What do you call a fish with no eyes? ... A fsh
  
  
• Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
  
  
• A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
  
  
• A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
  
  
• Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
  
  
• Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
  

Wordy Wednesday

As you may or may not know, I am a humor columnist for our local newspaper. I am compiling some articles to publish in a small book, as I would like to try to syndicate my column, and it would be a handy way to sell myself to editors. Wait, I mean sell my writing - LOL

Has anyone had any experience with self-publishing? I’ve heard some horror stories, was hoping someone with experience could offer an opinion. Or a warning - LOL