Wednesday, April 25, 2007

When implants go bad

Grandma in denial

Click here for larger view and more pictures of this grandma in denial - if you dare! LOL!

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Thursday, April 19, 2007


Thinking Blogger Award

Ya know those days when you say, “What did I do to deserve this?”

I’m having a good one. Really. (Crowd gasps, the weak-of-heart faint dead away.)

I was selected by not one, but TWO fabulous blogging buddies to receive a, “Thinking Blogger Award”.

In the spirit of giving and receiving, I would like to thank the two friends who nominated me. (*cough*yourcheckisinthemail*cough*) LOL

The participation rules are simple:
1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think,
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of the meme,
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote.

So of course I gotta tell ya, that Amy over at Amy's Musings is the finest anti-soccer, not-a-mommyblogger blogging mother. She always speaks with a true voice. She always makes me smile. She graciously designs this blog for me, along with coding Jedi, Joefish of Feast of Crumbs (You gotta love a guy who can use dog poop as a child-rearing tool - LOL) Amy is always patient with me when I get some hair-brained idea to add something to the sidebar and throw the whole thing into chaos. She listens to me when I rant in long obscenity-filled e-mails. She is a helluva good friend.

Karen Lee Field of Scribe's Writing Desk also tagged me. She's a terrific writer and blogger. She is an Australian fantasy writer of children’s chapter books. She has a quiet dignity and grace that I envy. Her posts are always thoughtful and filled with great information about writing.

For blogging, writing, and life coaching there is all-round smart cookie, Liz Strauss of Tuesday Open Mic Night, where bloggers gather for fabulous conversation, through hundreds of comments in a few short hours. Also check out SOBCon A fabulous event coming up for, “Taking Your Blogging to the Next Level”.

If you are interested in books or writing, check out Grumpy Old Bookman and literary agent Nathan Bransford for intelligent and wickedly funny insights.

For scathing and hilarious political commentary, I read Tony’s Kansas City. Tony profiles himself as, “Local artist/crackpot“. Even though we live out in the sticks, Kansas City is “my town”. I love its rich history of corruption, and nobody covers the happenings and modern-day debauchery like Tony.

For travel, there is no one finer than Lazy Blogger. LZ Blogger is a serious misnomer when you read the fascinating posts about his travels.

If you’re looking for some great recipes, I love The Queer Chef. Chase hails from the Philippines and currently lives in Norway. He is a charming and talented web designer and film student, in addition to offering heavenly delights for you. And cute as a button!

For business, there is nobody smarter than Seth Godin. Author of multiple best-selling business books and founder of Squidoo. His blog is filled with witty and insightful remarks, and he has a heart of gold, making sure that Squidoo offers every user the opportunity to donate the earnings from their lenses (free webpages) to a charity of their choice. We've given over $25,000!
He exemplifies what Web 2.0 is all about - innovation and communication.

Need a laugh? I know some funny people! For essays, there are the Mikes -
Michael Wicinski of The A.B.B.
Mike Cook at A Twist of Humor

And if you want jokes, visit Hoss over at Old Horsetail Snake
Or Miss Cellania

Or It Occurred to Me

Well, I overdid it again. That’s my style - LOL! I love every blog in my blogroll, and it was so hard to try to narrow it down. And I simply have to get a plug in for Groovy Old Lady who has a review of my book, Queen Klutz: The Misadventures of a very Clumsy Woman. I’m almost afraid to tell you this, but it seems the bad luck rubbed off on her! As soon as it arrived, she got hit with the noreaster storm, had her power go out, slipped on the steps and had all of the electronics in her house go crazy.

I have that effect everywhere I go - LOL!

Best wishes to all of you for a wonderful day!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

W W # 19 In Memoriam

"If Everyone Cared"
by Nickelback

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died

And I'm singing

Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We'll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I, I'm alive
(I'm alive)

[Chorus x2]

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day when nobody died
When nobody died...

The Wordless Wednesday Blogroll

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This is a NEW world headquarters for Wordless Wednesday!

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Friday, April 13, 2007

Happy Friday the 13th 2007

Sure, a lot of people are superstitious and think this day is unlucky, but I’m thinkin’, what could go wro...


Cube has a hilarious comparison of Don Imus and the Cryptkeeper - worth a visit for a laugh!

Of course you can always count on Miss Cellania and Peter for fun!

And finally, Friday the 13th in Africa

Happy Friday the 13th everyone!

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Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Planet of the Oops

Post-Apocol...errr...Easter greetings, my friends! I hope you had a delightful holiday!

I miss the days when the kids hunted for eggs instead of contact lenses and their mother’s sanity - LOL!

Yes, Daughter has joined the ranks of the Poke Yourself in the Eye Club. She got contact lenses.

She is having trouble doing something that seems unnatural (unlike her mommy - lol) such as jabbing a piece of plastic onto her eyeball. I hear, “Oops” a lot, eventually followed by sobbing and cursing, so we are returning to the optician today for additional masochism lessons.


Meanwhile, MommyWorld has suffered an attack by the Evil Banking Empire. (insert The Imperial March - Darth Vader's Theme)

My debit card with was stolen. Eaten actually.

Daughter and I went to the ATM located at the bank where the debit card reports my every move. (I’m sure it even tells them how white my whites are, and the frequency of my bowel movements.)

I inserted the card into the machine, chose "English" and the amount of dollars I wanted it to spit out. I entered my PIN number and the screen lit up with the message, "Please take your cash."

Would that I could, since no cash was forthcoming. I waited, hearing its whirring little innards trying to grant my wish. Then silence fell. No dollars. I stared at the machine. Nutttin. I stared harder. I realized no dollars were going to leap into my hot lil’ hands, so I hit "Cancel". Nuttin. I hit,"Clear". The screen continued to read, "Please take your cash" which was becoming annoying since none was proffered.

I searched the machine for a phone number to contact in the event of a malfunction. There was none. I circled the bank on foot, but all of the moneychangers had left the temple. Another car pulled into the drive-through behind my car. I instructed Daughter to go tell them the machine was malfunctioning, and they backed out, to avoid being engulfed in the Sphere of Doom which I was emanating.

I attempted to call the bank. Mistakes are not uncommon with this facility, so I have their phone number on my cell phone. No one answered. The recorded message explained what numbers to select if I wanted a home mortgage, or to purchase a 10-year CD, but there was nothing in the case of the machine eating my card and holding my dollars hostage. I called the police, who told me in so many words, that I was screwed, it wasn't their problem, and to contact the bank.

I went home and checked my online banking, which showed the transaction. I tried checking the phone book and the online site for the bank, but no matter what number I called, I was asked if I wanted a mortgage. I did not. I became an angry drunk and ranted until all of my family members cringed and fled.

In the cool light of morning I sobered up and typed out the sequence of events, printed the letter and drove to the bank. I was told that when the machine was torn apart (the thought of which gave me a thrill) that my card was not "captured". At least it was it spared being forced into making a false confession. I however, was forced to sign an affidavit stating that I did not receive the dollars the machine had refused to spew. I was told the card would be cancelled, and a new card with a new number and new PIN would be issued in approximately two weeks.

And so goes my life. Time to go supervise more eye-poking.

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Saturday, April 07, 2007

Happy Easter 2007

Old Easter greeting card

For a chuckle, please visit last year's post, "Easter Peeps".

Wishing all of you a delightful weekend!

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Sunday, April 01, 2007

Dumbass Day

God, save me from the dumbasses of the world.

Still doin’ the insanity run, and this week I witnessed some particularly spectacular dummassedness.

It rained much of this week, and that seems to draw out the crazies like a full moon. They were all out on the freeways, a tour de force of foolishness.

There were the semi-truck drivers who expected to get from Memphis to Seattle in three hours.

There were the afraid-of-water drivers (are they going to melt?) who hid under the overpass at the first drizzly drop. Of course they never make it fully ONTO the shoulder, so they are taking up half of the right-hand lane, causing all of non-melters to swerve around them.

But the King of the Krazies was about five car lengths (or one-tenth of a second to the truckers) ahead of me. I knew it was gonna be trouble.

He was driving a rustbucket pickup truck, towing a homemade trailer. The trailer was constructed of paper-maché, balsa wood and bungee cords. He was carrying a load of scrap metal in it, which was tied down with Band-Aids.

He hit the Puddle of Doom and it was all over.

The trailer disintegrated. Melting like the Wicked Witch of the West and the overpass cave-people.

I’d been watching him, ‘cause I knew. I could see what was going to happen because I was on the road behind him and that’s how Fate works. Fate’s one bitter bitch.

I slowed at the first signs of the meltdown. A semi-truck tried to mate with the Neon. Neon was highly offended.

I moved to the far right lane and slowed more, just as the spillage began. Cooper wire, aluminum cans, and old auto parts, all leapt to freedom and danced gaily on the asphalt.


Then they were mangled and crushed under the wheels and undercarriages of an assortment of vehicles. At least those who didn’t veer into my lane. Then smash into each other.

Oh it was a glorious scene...if you’re a tow truck driver.

If you were me (thank your lucky stars you’re not) you’ve spent the day chasing down various medical personnel to try to get a straight answer as to why your mother-in-law is doubled over with pain from her kidney stint, and r-e-a-l-l-y don’t want to spend the next four hours waiting for the road to be cleared of asshats.

But alas, asshats abound. They in fact, multiply, duplicating dumbassedness at an extraordinary rate. Have you seen the movie, ”Idiocracy”? I think it’s a documentary of the future of man - LOL
Rent it - I guarantee you’ll laugh and understand what I mean.

But I digress.

Traffic was now stopped. The instigator of the event exited the rustbucket with a confused look on his inbred face. The noise and chaos were baffling, too intense for his feeble IQ to comprehend.

And I had had enough.

I got out of the car and approached him, as did several angry yuppies, all climbing out of their SUVs-that-have-never-seen-dirt, and BMWs. It was a sight to army of upper-middles...and me. The hillbilly, whose family tree does not fork, trembled.

I was tired, hungry, cranky and wet from drizzle. I had had enough. So I shot him.

The finger.

Then I got back in the Neon, watched the screaming match where the redneck was severely pummeled with insults he didn’t understand, and figured out what to write for April Fool’s Day.

Happy jesting to all of you!

Did you see a dumbass this week? I declare today “Dumbass Day”!

Share! Get it off your chest and share your experience with some moron. I know they're everywhere, so tell us your tale.

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