ONE Week to Valentine’s Day - Win Free Candy!
You can post your jokes in the comments section, or e-mail them to me here:
Valentine’s Day is Tuesday February 14, so I will announce the winner on Friday, February 17.
I will send the winner a free box of Russell Stover Chocolates!
Pullin’ into the home stretch here - LOL!
Entries still open for Best Valentine Joke! Our entries so far have been pretty diverse, and some are a bit risqué, so if you are exceptionally sensitive to adult material, please stop reading now.
Three, two, one..
You’ve been warned. LOL
Vote at any time in the comments section, by number. Thanks!
(Drumroll please)
Entry # 1) from Uisce at Whiskey Talking
It's Valentine's Day and a guy walks into a bar.
He's got a bouquet of roses in one hand and a box of candy in the other.
Bartender says, "I'm guessin' those ain't for me."
The guy says, "I'm meeting my wife here."
Bartender says, "what does she look like?"
The guy says, "I don't know. You're the first person I've met, and no offense, but you're not my type."
Entry # 2) from my friend Kel, who has no blog.
Q: Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed "guess who"?
A: A divorce lawyer.
Entry # 3) from M Jarred Shelton at mjarredshelton
Couples celebrates Valentine's day, what do single people celebrate?
Palm Sunday!
Entry # 4) from Percy at More Dark Lanes
An Honest Man’s Poetry
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m ready for sex
How about you?
Entry # 5) from Hale McKay at It Occurred to Me
Two women, one from Boston and the other from Texas, were discussing the passion of the men in their lives, especially on Valentine’s Day.
Said the Bostonian woman, "On Valentines Day, my man just walks up and sticks it in."She raised her nose in defiance that the other woman could not top her love life.
The Texan woman, not to be outdone, answered with, "Oh, darling. That’s nothing. On Valentines Day, my man sticks it in and then walks up!"
Entry # 6) from Hoss at Old Horsetail Snake
A man asks his friend, "What did you get your wife for Valentine's Day?"
Friend: "A pair of slippers and a dildo?"
The Man: "Why the dildo?"
Friend: "So if she doesn't like the slippers she can go screw herself."
Entry # 7) from Stringman at Stringman
Mafia Valentine
Roses are red, violets are blue
Somebody squealed, but we didn’t know who
We wired the joint, put bugs in the dishes
It was your husband, he sleeps with the fishes
Be my Valentine
Entry # 8) from Stephanie at Mystical Incense (which is fabulous btw - I bought some for my son and the fragrance is wonderful LOL)
Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
David's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"Osama Bin Laden," David says.
"Why Osama Bin Laden," his father asks in shock.
"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."
His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride."David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him."
Please send in your entries!
Vote at any time, in the comments section!
Thanks!
Comments
Oh sure #1 is the funniest thing ever, but... ok never mind.
I'm going with number 5.
I've lived in both Boston and Texas and well . . .
Liz
Okay, I'm gonna have to go with #3 cause well, I'm warped that way. lol
Kids have had stomach flu here, (ugh LOL)
I am keeping tally of votes, will announce winner on Friday, February 17.
Best wishes to all!