Enter the Laughter Redeux

Our electricity went out yesterday from the severe storms in Mazoorah. Going to the Downed Branches Festival (being held in my front yard LOL) this weekend, to see what I can pick up . Have to go see the Incredibly Smart Tax Lady later, to amuse her with my ignorance. A few days ago, I made a batch of pumpkin cookies, and realized I didn’t have all the ingredients (About all I did have was pumpkin - duh, we’re pumpkin farmers LOL) Rushed to store, rushed home, threw flour, eggs etc, in bowl. Slammed mixer into bowl, ran first blending step, stopped mixer, threw in more ingredients, ran mixer again. In haste pulled mixer out of bowl. Forgot to turn mixer off. Flung batter in wide arc around room and onto me, coating face and hair. I was a human pumpkin cookie LOL I ordered a gift basket of bath goodies for my wonderful mother-in-law from Mystickal Incense . Arrived yesterday, and is beautiful! Smells incredible too! Thanks hon! Had to delete a bunch of spammy comments from some stupid...

My apologies for not posting much. Have been stricken by the triple threat: Teenager Angst, Taxes and Technology. Am sworn to secrecy regarding Teenager Angst. Taxes, well, everyone understands what a headache that is. Technology, in that I know what I want, but do not comprehend how to get what I want done. - - - - - - - - - - - I took solace from it all by reading a very funny book: The Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club by Laurie Notaro. (Yes, I am an Amazon Associate and if you buy this book through this link I make two cents to apply towards my hideous debt to the IRS) I visited the Idiot Girls Yahoo Group and picked up (*coughstolecough*) this joke. Enjoy. I will be slaving away to slay the triple threat. - - - - - - - - - - - Many of you have heard Dr. Laura, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, Rush Limbaugh and others speak of the "Homosexual Agenda," but no one has ever seen a copy of it. A friend of mine recently obtained a copy directly from the Head Homosexual. At ...

So many things, so little time - LOL - - - - - - - - - - - Miss Cellania has her very own domain now! If you haven’t visited her you should. Just go to the bathroom first, but not a public one (see joke below) because she has so much funny stuff you will laugh so hard you’ll wet yourself - LOL - - - - - - - - - - - Lumpy is back! Another “Must See Blog-ie” - - - - - - - - - - - And finally, a little jok-ie for everyone - Hope all of you have a fabulous weekend! - - - - - - - - - - - My mother was a fanatic about public bathrooms. When I was a little girl, she'd take me into the stall, teach me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet seat. Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat. By th...

The tailpipe is now repaired. Middle Son agreed to take the car to the muffler shop and accepted a ride to McDonalds, (about a mile away) so they could repair it during his shift. He called them when his shift was over, and they came and picked him up (and ordered some fries LOL) . I saw this as: A) An opportunity for the boy/man to understand the responsibilities involved with car ownership. B) A way to get me out of four hours of wasted time inhaling garage fumes - LOL I spent the time cleaning, doing laundry and other physical labor, which wasn't finished in the four hours, but ran over well into yesterday. So now the car and I are both exhausted - LOL - - - - - - Oh. Dear. God. Watching the morning news and was horrified to see this story Roaches are Brooches Living giant cockroaches are being made into brooches, with a small chain leash glued their bodies, the other end of the "leash" is attached to a jewelry clasp. You pin the clasp onto your clothing, and the jewe...

The white-death blizzard they predicted for us, which all the school children prayed so fervently for, petered out to nothing more than a couple of slushy puddles. Had to laugh that all of the local TV stations were worked up into such frenzies, they forced all of the morning news anchors to come in at 4 AM, to report on the massive traffic tie-ups and school closings, none of which happened. So they all look a wee bit irritated. The trip to the muffler store was loads of laughs. Even better, I get to do it again today. They had to order a part. It is going to be expensive. Naturally, two of the three parts of my exhaust system have been replaced are under warranty. The piece that went bad? (Shakes head slowly side to side) I learned all of this after slip-sliding through the storm’s worst (predicted to be first, but turned out to be only) droppings from heaven. Entered muffler store with a light coating of sleet on hair and coat. Shook it off like a golden retriever to see the man at...

It is sleeting and the roads are expected to freeze over soon. I just returned from driving Middle Son to McDonalds, and am hoping my hearing returns sometime soon. What’s that you say? Why? Seems the lad went out last night (in my car) to dance the night away. Not at a nightclub (not old enough for that) but at the arcade, letting his feet fly across the brightly lit arrows of Dance, Dance Revolution and In The Groove , two "interactive" video games that require the player to move their feet at the speed of light to touch down on the appropriately lit arrows. The decibel level at such establishments must have acclimated the lad's hearing, as he seemed undisturbed by the roar coming from my car’s tailpipe. When he returned, his approach was announced by a sound similar to a jet aircraft coming in for a landing. "Hmmm...." I thought. "My car did not sound that way when he left." He enters and attempts to rush past quickly, averting his eyes. Ain’t no ...

Daughter is on spring break and we've been playing with photo programs - LOL click to enlarge Happy St. Purrr-tricks's Day! St. Patrick's Day

ay the road rise up to meet you May the wind be always at your back May the sun shine warm upon your face May the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again May God hold you in the palm of His hand. Always remember to forget The things that made you sad. But never forget to remember The things that made you glad. Always remember to forget The friends that proved untrue. But never forget to remember Those that have stuck by you. Always remember to forget The troubles that passed away. But never forget to remember The blessings that come each day. May you be in heaven half an hour Before the Devil knows you're dead! St. Patrick's Day

Being an equal opportunity offender of ethnic humor, I will tell two jokes - one poking a wee bit o’ fun at the Irish, a second showing their wisdom. Enjoy. *** An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out!" --- Radio Transmission - British Navy vs. Irish Radio conversation between the British and the Irish off the coast of Kerry, Ireland IRISH: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. BRITISH: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. IRISH: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. BRITISH: This is the Captain of a British Navy Ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. IRISH: Negativ...

(Good thing this day of the week doesn’t start with the letter “F” huh? LOL) Mazoorah has seen better days. We had NINETY-TWO tornadoes touch down in my state yesterday. When the radar indicated one bearing down on our area, I began to consider gathering the family and heading for the basement (a prospect almost as frightening as the storms LOL) I looked around. . .what personal possessions would I grab to take to safety? I spied a file folder with our birth certificates, car titles, tax forms etc. on the roll-top desk (I’d pulled it out to do the taxes) That would go with me. My purse. My cell phone. My drug stash - LOL just kidding. . . they’re already IN my purse (snicker) . The storm turned and missed us, but it got me wondering. . .if you had two minutes to grab stuff and run for the basement, what would YOU take? - - - I just have to wonder. . .Did we anger our "Christian Deity"? (Remembering that after Hurricane Katrina, there were those who were crude enough to sugge...

I apologize for the dearth of original content of late. (Well, NASCAR OSCAR was original LOL) . Amazing how much time "real life" can eat up sometimes, huh? LOL I have Irish heritage on both sides of my family. When I questioned my father once about it, he laughed and said, “Yeah, our ancestors lived in Ireland - until they threw them out!” I never knew if he was kidding - LOL Anyway, I looked up the History Channel explanation of St. Patrick’s Day, and thought I’d share. What's not to love about a crazy old fart who is a storyteller, has hallucinations, and turns religious symbols on their ear? LOL! Happy Snake Saturday to all! The Snake It has long been recounted that, during his mission in Ireland, St. Patrick once stood on a hilltop (which is now called Croagh Patrick) and with only a wooden staff by his side, banished all the snakes from Ireland. In fact, the island nation was never home to any snakes. The "banishing of the snakes" was really a metaphor ...

March 9 is National Get Over It Day An ex, a rejection, something that makes you sad, an embarrassment...anything you are struggling to get over. Do it tomorrow! Get Over It Day is a new holiday taking place on March 9th (exactly midway between Valentine's Day and April Fool's Day) because, at one time or another, EVERYONE has SOMETHING to get over! (regardless of what - or whom - "it" may be for you). Regardless of age, of race, or of gender, If you're tall or short, if you're plump or slender. If you're hot or you're not, if you're straight, gay, or bi-, This holiday is for YOU, and we'll now tell you why... NOBODY is happy, EVERY day of their life. Not an American Idol, not a Desperate Housewife. Not MVP athletes, not Oscar-winning stars. Not rich CEOs, not hot chicks at bars. We ALL have our issues; ALL lives contain stress. At some point, we're ALL, an emotional mess. Ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-husbands, ex-wives. There are pe...

MIKE THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: Here we are at the 78th annual Academy Awards. How’s the field looking, Jeff? JEFF THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: Mike, we’re hearin’ a lot of good things about this here “Brokeback Mountain” movie. From what I can tell, it’s a western. MIKE THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: I like westerns. Go Brokeback Mountain! (Nearby group of set designers remove earbuds of their Ipods, all of which are playing “It’s Raining Men” smile appreciatively, and shout back “You GO girl!”) JEFF THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: (Looks around) Uh, they must be talkin’ to them gals behind us. MIKE THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER : The host tonight is Jon Stewart. JEFF THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: Is he related to Tony Stewart? I got his autograph back when he picked up the Nextel Cup. MIKE THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: Here’s the first award - George Clooney. JEFF THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: He ain’t no Rosemary, damn that woman could sing. MIKE THE NASCAR ANNOUNCER: Aw hail, now we’re at the middle of the pack. I’m gonna go have me a ...

My book is a thief! LOL It has stolen all of my time for days now. Gawd, I didn’t realize how ignorant I was until I started this project. LOL I’ve been pulling out CD’s we’d burned to save files from days (and hard drives) gone by, to cull stories for the humor essay book. I copied them to this computer to compile and edit. Some came out as strange little boxes and symbols, as though written by little green men. No, not Leprechauns, although St. Patty’s Day is just around the corner LOL "Leprechaun" is actually one of the nicknames we have for an American Idol contestant. ( I won’t be so cruel as to name which.) Even more cruel would be to name the one we refer to as “Special Olympics” ( Spare me your politically correct righteous indignation - I know in the privacy of your own home you make crude references too - LOL ) My personal favorite this season is gone-gray-while-still in-his-20’s, I-sing-soul-even-though-I’m-a-white-guy, Taylor Hicks. - - - - - - Any bests on the...