Tuesday, July 17, 2007

HELP!

I went to the grocery store last night, after a frustrating day of trying to get my mother-in-law’s computer to recognize the AT&T/DSL Internet connection we had made for her. We might as well have been trying to talk to the Mars rover. More on that in a moment.

It was hot - really hot, but not in a fun, Paris Hilton kind of way. We’re talking temperature and humidity in the 90’s.
I parked the car, went in for supplies, returned and unlocked the door. I was tired and frustrated. I flung the door open, tossed the sack onto the passenger seat, and dropped towards the driver’s seat as I pulled the door shut behind me. The key word in this sentence is “towards”. I did not make it fully TO the seat, as an updraft from the heated interior of the car caught my ponytail (I can’t stand this mat of heavy hair on the back of my neck when it’s 95 outside).

Just as the door slammed fully shut, the ponytail was lodged between the door and the roof of the car, suspending me, much like this circus performer, except less graceful and not juggling. If I had the equipment and ability to juggle it might have helped me attract attention though, which would have helped, because I was stuck.

I reached for the door handle, (not an easy maneuver) but the position I was trapped in, and the fact that I do not have six-foot-long arms, prevented me from popping the door back open.

I screamed, “HELP!”

This is a small town grocery store though, largely abandoned in favor of the Mart That Sells Walls (another Paris Hilton reference) over in the next town, and there were no patrons milling about, waiting to be amused by or helpful to, the Klutz Who Caught Her Hair In The Door.



I shuffle-bumped my body in a manner similar to the person in a movie who has been tied to a chair by the bad guy, (who never watches movies and thus leaves the tie-ee alone to shuffle-bump their way to escape) until I could feel the electric window button, which was closer than the door release.

I lowered the window and managed to contort my arm around so I could pop the outside door handle to release me from Hair Hell.



Hooray!

I was free, and now know I have alternative occupation skills if Barnum and Bailey are ever looking for a non-juggling, middle-aged hair-hanger. (Unlikely, I know, but stranger things have happened...maybe.)

Now, back to mom-in-law’s computer.

It seems that Vista is incompatible with DSL (all the geeks snicker and go, “like duh”). The people at AT&T did not tell us this when we signed up. (Double duh)

So I implore all of you clever folks who are technical wizards. Is there any way to get Vista to see the 2Wire DSL modem, which AT&T says “pings” properly? I am desperate. I spent all day yesterday (prior to my performance) trying to make the damn thing work. We disabled the firewall, lowered the security and privacy settings, re-installed the set-up and did a strip tease for it (grandma’s air conditioner is failing, but that’s a whole ‘nother post). Nothing worked. Vista is the most frustrating operating system ever designed by those sadists at Microsoft. I have spoken to so many help center people form India I should speak Hindi by osmosis.

We may just remove it and install XP because my head hurts, metaphorically and literally. Please help me before I hang myself (by my hair) again.



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