Enter the Laughter Redeux

January - Took new scarf back to store...... it was much too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels...... bottles won’t fit in typewriter! March - Really got excited..... finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... the box said “2-4 years”! April - Trapped on escalator for hours..... power went out! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets! June - Tried to go water skiing..... couldn’t find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition..... learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms! August - Got locked out of car in rain storm..... car swamped, because top was down. September - The capital of California is “C”..... isn’t it? October - I just Hate these M&M’s..... they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 ½ days..... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108! December - Couldn’t call 911..... there’s no eleven button on the phone!!! Wow.....

I have just returned from battle - the Ornament Wars. I was among the hardy souls standing at the door of the Hallmark store, watching through the plate glass as the “50% off” signs went up all over the store. We eyed one another warily, sizing up the competition. We were battle ready...comfortable shoes, loose clothing, credit cards drawn (overdrawn in some cases). Mental notes to self: “Watch that one, she’s checking an eBay price list tucked in her breast pocket” “That one is arthritic - I can take her” “A man - he looks scared. But the woman with him is offering erotic encouragement. ‘Get me Winnie the Pooh, and the honey pot is yours tonight,’ she whispers. He swells with renewed vigor (snicker) The door was flung open and we attacked! Patton’s assault on Palermo was no less fierce. “Grab the Celebration Barbie,” cried out a Five Star Grandmother to her more fleet-of-foot aide de camp (granddaughter) . Alas, the inexperienced child fell by the wayside, as the hardened troops advan...

I was at Aldi this morning. It’s a discount grocery store. They’re very basic, warehouse style stores, but they sell a damn fine can of corn for 29 cents. Bread is 50¢. I buy a lot of stuff there - LOL They carry odd lots and discontinued merchandise too, so you find Halloween costumes there in November. I laughed out loud at the display I spotted this morning though...Britney Spears perfume. Yup, the stuff that she has those nonsensical commercials for, that JUST CAME OUT. I mean, Aldi makes Walmart look like Macys, so that gives you an idea of what a high-end product she is peddling - LOL It just made me laugh. I am easily amused. I also get a laugh from yard decorations gone awry. Saw a Santa and reindeer, made of solid molded plastic, in front of a house. The wind had blown Santa over though, and he was lying across the back of the reindeer, Since he was unbalanced, the wind rocked him back and forth. It gave the appearance of Santa gettin’ it on deerie-style. Furthermore,...

Wordless Wednesday #15 My Little Pony Glue Factory Peeping Tommy Night Vision Goggles Shiite Pet Wishing all of you a safe and happy holiday season! The Wordless Wednesday Blogroll You don’t need to be a participant to comment! For information on joining the fun, and the getting the blogroll code, please go here . PLEASE NOTE: This is a NEW world headquarters for Wordless Wednesday! To leave a comment, please go here Thanks! Wordless Wednesday Holiday Christmas Kwanzaa Chanukah

I’ve decided to stop bitchin’ about the insanity run. So what if I’m driving 400 miles a day on a highway system that was designed by M.C. Escher? Exits to the left of me, exits to the right, here I am, stuck in the middle lane, screwed. Granny the brake tapper is in the slow lane, and I hate being behind her, never knowing if there is an actual REASON to be slowing down or if she was just frightened by a leaf blowing across the street. Grr, I hate brake tappers...stop or go, bitch. Yeah, I called granny a bee-otch. She can learn to drive without riding the brake or get off the freakin’ freeway. Roddy the Redneck with his souped-up monster truck which is 40 feet tall and goes 110 miles an hour is in the fast lane, and I don’t blame him. If you’re not willing to significantly break the speed limit, stay out of the fast lane. Plus it’s twenty below zero and ain’t no donut-eater gonna chase you and have to get out of their nice, warm cruiser, unless you pass them at the speed of sou...

One of my fellow Squidoo lensmasters tested the notion of selling a Squidoo Lens for fun and profit! I loved the idea and decided to give it a go. I'm not expecting a big financial payoff, but I'm hoping this will gain Squidoo some press exposure and show people how much fun running a lens can be. I would appreciate any mention of this auction that you could provide. I believe this is only the second sale of a Squidoo lens, and the first to receive any outside publicity. Many Squidoo lenses are set to donate to charity, so even if the purchaser isn't interested in the income potential, they could donate the earnings to a worthy cause! Please help me spread the word! Thank you - I hope you have a fabulous day! Marti Lawrence --------------------------- Lens for Sale Bette Davis Eyes Great information, great pictures, great income potential! Has moneymaker modules for i-Tunes (song downloads), Amazon (DVD's and books) and eBay (assorted related merchandise). Ease of ...