Enter the Laughter Redeux

*He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. *She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. *The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t. *McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup. *From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. *Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. *Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. *Her vocabulary wa...

I'm off to bingo today, so I'm giving you an encore performance (a rerun - lol) COSTUME CRAZY In addition to all of the colds, stuffy noses, sore throats and flu symptoms the Tribe of Tribulation has been though this year, I have endured a Major Mommy Meltdown from Wardrobe Malfunction. No, not like the infamous halftime debacle, but from having to invent several costumes to conjure up the look of many far-away lands. Conjuring up made mommy a witch by last week’s end. Daughter needed a new costume for every school day last week, as they were having international spirit week (which was not, as I quipped to an eye-rolling family, ghosts from foreign countries). . The entire family chimed in with suggestions. We discarded those with the risk of serious bodily injury, such as Human Olympic Torch to celebrate Greece, or lopping her head off so she could portray Marie Antoinette of France. They were off Monday for President’s Day, so I was spared constructing an Abe Lincoln beard,...

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Today is pi day. I’ve never been a worshipper, but I find it interesting that there are people who worship at the church of pi . I’ve been worshipping at the porcelain throne. A stomach flu bug has sidelined me. March madness here is the dash to get to the toilet before one or more orifices explode, expelling the contents of my innards. So I have to make this brief. Not this brief, which does seem apropos, though, considering...LOL It is actually a safe! A place to hide your valuables! Gotta run (groan, horrible pun) Happy almost wordless Wednesday! The Wordless Wednesday Blogroll You don’t need to be a participant to comment! For information on joining the fun, and the getting the blogroll code, please go here . PLEASE NOTE: This is a NEW world headquarters for Wordless Wednesday! Wordless Wednesday pi day flu To leave a comment, please go here Thanks!

Do you believe in miracles? I think we should contact the Vatican for verification, because (insert angelic music with horns trumpeting) we have more than one working vehicle at our house! Of course (being us) it came at a price. Monday we had a medical emergency. Once the threat to life and limb was handled, we returned to husband’s car to discover a flat tire. One of the four very new, very expensive tires. Husband replaced the offender with the mini-tire from the trunk. He checked the deflated tire for signs of damage, expecting (being us) to see Satan’s pitchfork imbedded in the rubber. Finding nothing, off we wobbled, (the Neon does not like having the donut tire installed and tried to shake it off all the way there) to rake the tire man over the coals for selling us a tire that would choose to euthanize itself. Tire man blamed a bad valve stem. I shook my finger at it mightily, while scolding, “Bad valve stem! Bad!” Tire man replaced the naughty valve, and husband and I returned ...

I tried to be cautious. I was casual, glancing around and smiling to cover up my indiscretion. I tried to be subtle, and to employ subterfuge to hide the truth. But I got caught. “Marti, you didn’t cover up B 12!” chided my mother-in-law. It was true. I’ve been doing it for weeks now. Cheating at BINGO. I just couldn’t bring myself to claim one of the prizes...a box of Kleenex or cereal from the table where the numbers caller sits, rolling the basket of colored, numbered balls. I was in a room full of munchkins (old people shrink, I was the only human being there who was over five feet tall) at the Senior Citizens Center, where I’ve driven my sweet mother-in-law to play bingo three times a week every since Pop passed. They had welcomed me with open arms. “Oh, you’re driving Maxine now! That’s wonderful, just wonderful!” Looking at their adorable little smiles, hugging them gently, (fearful of breaking them) I watched as they played their cards passionately. Seeing their anticip...

Boy: Mom asked us to write this message for her. Girl: Because she has been real sick. Boy: She wanted to wish all of you a Happy Valentine’s Day. Girl: And let you know she isn’t dead. Boy: That’s not funny, what’d you say that for? Girl: She told me to. Boy: But Grandpa just died, I don’t think people will think that is funny. Girl: Mommy said her friends are kind of twisted and they will laugh. Boy: Mom has pneumonia. I don't think she knows what is funny right now. Girl: HAD. She is getting better. Now it is more the dizzy and puking thing. Boy: Vertigo. She has vertigo. Don’t say puking, that’s gross. She told us to say she was vomiting. Girl: Hey, I am the one who has to dump the barf bucket, I know how gross it is. Boy: I don’t know why she wouldn’t go to the hospital. Girl: She said anybody who has ever worked at a hospital avoids them if they are conscious. Spike, the Cat: I am glad she didn't go to the hospital. Grandpa was in the hospita...